Beauty is Skin Deep: Ugly is to the Bone

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HOW DO YOU WANT OTHERS TO SEE YOU?

To see the extent that we project a different face to the world, take a look at the right side of your face covering the left side. Then look at the left side and cover the right side. Are you seeing the same person?

FIRST IMPRESSIONS ARE RELIABLE BUT NOT VALID

Your first impressions of someone and another person`s first impressions of that same person will be in agreement. Similarly, you both would agree about someone you both got to know over a long time. First impressions— snap character judgments we make from faces are irresistible but usually incorrect. Princeton University Professor, Alexander Todorov, in his textbook  Face Value: The Irresistible Influence of First Impressions compiled a mountain of evidence to prove this counter-intuitive truth. You can see his lecture in which he reviews his own research.

BEAUTY IS SKIN DEEP: UGLY IS TO THE BONE

It is a grave mistake to look at a picture and decide whether you want to meet based on the picture. When judging from a picture, it is not only your first impression of personality that is flawed, but also of attractiveness. Your brain is fooling you: What you see is not what you get. We actually use different parts of our brain when judging a potential date from a photo as opposed to in person. Researchers conducted brain scans of volunteers looking at pictures of potential dates. The researchers found that two brain regions became active while volunteers viewed the photos. The paracingulate cortex calculates how attractive the person is, while the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex decides if it’s a person they would like to pursue a relationship with. After the initial viewing of the pictures, the researchers then had the volunteers meet. They discovered that when the two people met, a second region became active. The rostromedial prefrontal cortex began making more sophisticated calculations, such as how similar and likable the person was. As a result some people may be dismissed as potential possibility based on pictures, but if they met in person, they would be considered desirable. The reverse is also true. A person can become quite enamored with a photo, but once the two people meet in person those feelings can disappear faster than promises after Election Day.

VIRTUAL LOVE: ALMOST THE REAL THING FOR WOMEN BUT NOT FOR MEN

During this corona plague, many resorted to zoom dating. This may work for women, but not for men and this doomed otherwise viable relationships. According to a study conducted by Dr. Paul Zak at Claremont Graduate University in California, humans release oxytocin, also known as the “love hormone,” while communicating through social media websites, instant messaging, and text messaging. “The brain doesn’t really distinguish between real interaction and texting,” says Zak. Although both men and women produce oxytocin during these times, it only causes women to fall in love. Therefore, a woman can be texting away, certain that he’s “the one,” and even falling in love before she meets the man. But when he meets her, biologically and chemically speaking, he’s just met her. His body is responding to her like it’s the first day they met, because, well, for him, it is. She may have developed warm and loving feelings for him, but he needs to see her in person to get the ball rolling. In her mind, they’ve been having this fantastic and meaningful virtual relationship, but in his, it’s still only their first date.

GENDER NEUTRALITY MAY BE ENSHRINED IN CIVIL LAW, BUT LEADS TO RIDICULOUS CONCLUSIONS AND IS SACRELIGIOUS

Although politically incorrect to say this, there are profound differences between men and women. It is a dichotomy, not a continuum. The neshama coming down to earth is male and female and gets split to find each other in this lifetime. In עתיד לבא – the time after time, both halves will again be joined forever. Your other half completes you, complements you – but is not the same as you.

Our goal is to find you a best fit. If it fits, nothing can break it, if it doesn’t, nothing can make it. More importantly, we want to be instrumental in bringing Jewish souls to the world. Marriage, is after all, a permit to start a family. The shadchan that helps you find your other half, although paid at your engagement, is supposed to daven for you until you have a boy and girl, fulfilling a most fundamental mitzvah.

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