Undatable

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The quintessential lesson of Chanukah is to push back, whenever and wherever a Jew is pressured by mainstream culture to compromise on their Jewishness.

We live in a semi-permeable bubble and we need to be vigilant of those aspects of mainstream culture that violates Jewish law and values. As it relates to shidduchim, a psychiatrist Mark McDonald, M.D. hit the nail on the head in his article:

Why American Women Are Undatable: No One Wants to Play with a Porcupine

“American women approach dating as a fact and fault-finding mission, with a degree of arrogance that can only come from a profound absence of self-awareness. They act as saboteurs rather than facilitators…The typical American woman today projects limitless entitlement, ruthless competitiveness, and advanced emotional incontinence that makes it all but impossible for a man to tolerate her, much less enjoy her company.  Women in this country have been taught that looks don’t matter, that career is more important than family, that men are either dangerous or weak and incapable… Everything they are taught is wrong. Everything they are taught is a lie. And the fault lies with schools, media, feminism, and parents…They have trained women to live in a fantasy world of us vs them, where the “me” is more important than the “we,” where one’s feelings dictate truth and goodness, and even virtue itself… No healthy person wants to play with a porcupine.”

In this downward spiral, the pro-homo gender neutral woke cancel culture’s agenda makes marriage irrelevant at best and toxic at worse. Like lemmings rushing into the sea, these self-destructive ideas are espoused by American Universities and government as a self-evident truth, an axiom which is now enshrined in law.

To whatever extent our bubble is permeable, it subtly infects. I was shocked and appalled to hear from students in a Bais Yakov seminary in Jerusalem that they had a course in their Sem on gender in Judaism where they are taught that from a torah standpoint there is no difference between men and women, everyone has both male and female characteristics.  Combing through Torah sources, this is absolutely far from the truth. Compiling these sources collected in this pamphlet, invariably points to gender as binary, the role and goal of each is laid out in the crystal-clear logic that only the Torah greats are capable of, and more germane to shidduchim, the relationship between a husband and wife is dictated by the Torah and is not arbitrary.  

זכר ונקבה ברא אותם

It points to a relationship that is not only foundational, not only holy, but the holy of holies that brings down the shechina. And if you don’t think that it is what is important, think again.
The Torah is replete with commandments that compel us to treat each other in certain predefined ways.
Shalom Bais is not an option but a moral imperative.
For shalom bais, focus on the positive, not the negative.
Show appreciation for every single thing they do for you with no sense of entitlement.
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