Future History of Shidduchim

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A guy goes into a store where in the store window there was an assortment of very exquisite clocks. He points to certain clocks and asks the storekeeper how much it costs as no prices were posted and every clock that he points to, the store keeper tells him it’s not for sale. Exasperated, he

Mindfulness Causes Lovelessness

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Mindfulness has today become sacrosanct. This newfound dogma of mindfulness has become an axiomatic self-evident truth. It is neither self-evident nor an absolute truth. When it comes to falling in love, mindfulness is the problem, not the solution. Mindfulness is antithetical to love. Sigmund Freud had a patient who after years of psychoanalysis handed Sigmund

Pictures Give the Wrong Impression

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Rav Chaim Kanievsky Shlita in response to a question about asking a shadchan for a picture to see if he finds her attractive to save time said: ! שטויות! הוא לא יראה כלום – צריך לפגוש “This is nonsense! He will not see anything. He must meet [her]!” “He will not see anything” was corroborated

Beauty is Skin Deep: Ugly is to the Bone

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HOW DO YOU WANT OTHERS TO SEE YOU? To see the extent that we project a different face to the world, take a look at the right side of your face covering the left side. Then look at the left side and cover the right side. Are you seeing the same person? FIRST IMPRESSIONS ARE

It is Only with the Heart that One Sees Rightly

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Use your head to narrow down the possibilities, use your heart to recognize your one and only. The Torah recognizes the schism between the logic of the brain and wisdom of the heart which is deemed preeminent. To illustrate the wisdom of the heart, let’s get to the heart of the matter. Let’s talk in

Building a Relationship with that Perfect Stranger

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Across the table, on the first shidduch date, is the perfect stranger. Perfect, cause all the checkboxes are checked, or you wouldn’t be there in the first place. How do you get from here to the love of your life? Don’t be an AJ – Arrogant Jerk Confidence is alluring and make you desirable, but

The Hand of Hashem is in Every Shidduch

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A Roman matron asked Rabbi Yossi ben Halfafta: And how many days did God create his world? He said to her, in six days, as it is written, “for in six days God made the heavens and the earth.” And from that time, what has kept him busy? He said to her, he sits and

What’s in a Name? Who you are compatible with!

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The Torah tells us that Adam named all the animals. The Torah tells us that names were changed; Avrom to Avroham, Sari to Sarah, Yaakov to Yisroel. The Torah tells us what the Avos named their children and why. In one case, it was Hashem who selected the name, Yitzchok. Today, it is not until

Protocols of Shidduchim

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We live our lives distorting reality, at least to some extent, to the way we want it to be, not the way it is. Nowhere is this more salient, as in shidduchim. Shidduchim has its own protocols – usual and customary practice – which does not change because that’s the way you want it to

Negative Information that a Reference May, May Not, or Must Reveal

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Rabbi Yisrael Gans, Rosh Yeshiva of Kol Torah, explains what a reference is permitted to say, is prohibited to say, or is obligated to say. When calling references, Yismach urges you to limit your questions and structure them according to the parameters delineated in this Shiur of Rabbi Yisrael Gans, Rosh Yeshiva of Kol Torah.