Shidduch Date Place: There is no Place Like Home

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Where is it written that a yeshiva bochur is obligated to pay a hotel for drinks or a restaurant for a meal, and taxi to take her home?

It only engenders contempt. Both the guy who feels he is spending money he does not have and the girl who thereby is imbued with a false sense of obligation.

For centuries, those in shidduchim met in a home, either the girl’s or someone else where there was someone in the house/apartment.

Logistically meeting the girl in her home obviates the cost and perhaps awkward dilemma of getting her home. Where they both know that there will not be another date, that drive home adds insult to injury.

During COVID when hotels closed their lobbies for dating, restaurants were closed, people offered their gardens, balconies, rooftops, or their home for a shidduch date. During covid twice as many shidduchim closed – twice more than the year before covid and twice more than the year post covid. Coincidence? I think not.

Meeting someone in someone’s garden makes you both feel much more at home and makes it easier to focus and let the spontaneous conversation flow without distraction or interruption by waiters.

Without feeling self-conscious of seeing or being seen by others that they may have met previously, it becomes serendipity rather than contrived.

Get the idea?

By providing a date place, we hope less people will be rejecting a shidduch because of the cost.

We are working on developing a Date Place in Passaic, N.J. Not as good as this , but this is the idea.

A home date place certainly changes the cost-benefit equation.

From Conception, to Inception to Implementation

We need volunteers to reach out to potential hosts. In order to protect potential hosts from an avalanche of harassing calls, WhatsApp’s, emails, the shadchan who recommended this shidduch will be the point person to arrange it. If the shadchan is in a position to host it, that makes the logistics so much easier. We need donations to incorporate this in the website and Yismach app or to pay someone to be on top of this using something like booking.

Do It Yourself Date Place

Alternatively, as long as others are around you can set this up yourself. A lot cheaper than a fine restaurant. Share the experience of together setting this up, cooking the meal, and enjoying the moment. Not for a first date, but this is way to work together for an atmosphere you both will enjoy.